Many people used to tell me that I was jealous because I was insecure. They said that the only reason I was feeling jealous was because I was insecure about who I was. I still find some truth in this but what people didn’t tell me was that “jealous” and “insecure” are only feelings. Those feelings come and go, they are NOT PERSONALITY traits!
THIS IS SO IMPORTANT.
You are not just born and either identified as a jealous or insecure person. When things happen in the world around you, you do not just become a jealous or insecure person.
Life is 50/50 meaning you’re going to feel 50% negative emotion and 50% positive emotion NO MATTER WHAT. It’s not your circumstances that create the way you feel.
SO, you could be locked in a room with your partner and no other human is around and STILL feel insecure, or jealous. He could do EVERYTHING right, and you could still feel jealous or insecure. Why?
Because it’s your thinking that is creating those feelings.
So let’s talk about those feelings.
Jealousy consumes my WHOLE body. I wrote it down one day as I was feeling it. This is how I described it: Heart, it feels heavy and restricting, like it’s being squeezed really hard but also it’s expanding to take over my throat and shoulder and chest. Stomach queasy, body is pulsating, heartbeat is in my head and I can hear it. This feeling is way heavier than anxiety.
How does it feel to you?
Insecurity feels different for me. Insecurity feels hesitant, doubty, lighter than jealousy, closer to anxiety for me. Watery. Shaky. It’s like if you were on a balance beam and you were wobbling from side to side right before you fell. That’s how insecure feels to me.
How does it feel to you?
Now since these are just feelings … vibrations in our body, we know that we can control them with our thinking. But first we need to identify what thoughts are creating them?
Some thoughts that create these feelings for me are…
He likes her more than me.
He’s flirting with her and he shouldn’t be.
He likes her.
He’s a flirty guy.
He chose her over me.
He’s spending more time with her.
She’s getting more of his time than me.
He doesn’t do that for me.
She is getting his attention instead of me.
I’m not good enough.
Clearly there is something wrong with me.
Do you notice something about those thoughts? The majority of them are about other people. Why I ask my client’s why does it matter that he’s flirting with someone else, or why does it matter that he chose to be with her, it always comes back to, “I’m not good enough.”
And here is the thing.
You are very literally born 100% worthy and lovable and there is NOTHING you can do to change that. If someone thinks you’re not lovable or not as lovable as someone else, it has to do with THEIR ability to love and nothing to do with you.
All of these thoughts are OPTIONAL!
SO, if we don’t want to feel jealous or insecure because we’ve already determined you can’t “be” a jealous or insecure person, all you have to do is change your thinking. You have to purposefully, decide and consciously stop yourself when you start to feel that way.
How do you WANT to act/show up in that situation? How do you need to feel to act that way? Then what do you need to THINK to feel that way?
I like to show up as confident, totally together, not concerned, like a bomb bada$$ woman who has a fabulous life. To show up that way I need to feel confident. To feel confident I like to believe that I’m a bada$$ that turns her dreams into reality. When I believe that I feel confident when I feel confident I show up like a bad$$ who is so engulfed in her life she doesn’t even have time to think about her ex.
So what is yours?
If you’re having a hard time applying this in your life, I strongly urge you to sign up for a free consult with me where we dive into this work together and I can share with you my step by step process on dropping your jealous and insecurity so that you can be your most confident you!
Let’s do it!
Sending so much love,