The #1 way to handle your breakup with maturity is to learn emotional maturity. Learning to take responsibility for the way you feel and learn to process your emotions in an effective and responsible way.
What is Emotional Childhood?
Emotional Childhood is when we believe that the way we feel is dictated by our circumstances. We believe that other people and certain situations can make us “feel” a certain way. For example, when someone says, “I love you”, you don’t feel love because they said that, you feel love because of your thoughts and interpretation of the words stated.
This is a wonderful thing, because as soon as we truly understand this, we take back control. We have the ability to generate any feeling in the world. Why not generate emotions that lead to actions that get us results we want in our life?
Are You Living in Emotional Childhood?
When someone is living in Emotional Childhood they typically are in victim mode where they are the victim and someone else or a circumstance is the villain. They think that someone else made them feel a certain way or a specific situation means of course they must feel this way.
Do you find yourself saying things like,
“He makes me so mad.”
“She just disappointed me.”
“This situation is just ridiculous.”
“He makes me so happy”
“They annoy me”
When you believe statements like this you’re giving that person or the situation all the power. And did you pick up on “when you believe statements like this”? This means it’s not the person or the situation making you feel that way, it’s your statements, your thoughts.
How Do I Move Towards Emotional Adulthood?
Moving towards emotional adulthood means you take back you power and your control. You stop blaming situations and people for the way you feel and the results in your life. It’s no longer the economy that has you feeling sad, it’s not the news that is making you angry, it’s not your husband that is causing your frustration. You’ve taken back control and you recognize and believe that you control how you feel and the results in your life by your thoughts.
So, to start work on this you must accept and fully understand that YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE. You and only you are responsible for the way you feel and the results you have in your life. Then begin to take a look at the thoughts in your mind that are creating this reality for you.
When your husband/boyfriend/significant other is doing something that “frustrates you” remember that what he is doing is neutral, it is a circumstance which is completely neutral (not positive or negative), it is a fact. So say that person didn’t put away the dishes when they said they would. That is completely neutral, you then make that circumstance mean something, you interpret it in a certain way. That thought or conclusion about the fact (aka circumstance) is what dictates how you feel. So if you think, “I hate it when he says he’ll do something and doesn’t” that may generate the feeling of frustrated which leads to a certain set of actions and an end result. You deciding to think, “ I hate it when he says he’ll do something and doesn’t” is completely optional. You don’t have to think that though, you could dismiss it or you could think something else that generates a different feeling in your life. For example maybe you choose to think, “I thought he said he was going to do the dishes, maybe something more important came up?” which may lead to a feeling of curiosity which then leads to a whole different set of actions and a different result.
Want to learn more about this concept and implement it into your own life? Check out the free resources portal for the worksheet “Move Towards Emotional Adulthood”.
With love and positive vibes,
Dorothy
