Everything is happening FOR you not TO you.
Literally the best breakup advice I have for everyone going through it right now is to repeat the mantra: “Everything is happening FOR me not TO me”
It’s life changing. Even if you don’t fully believe it yet, I want you to try and wholeheartedly believe it with all your might.
Now, there are a number of areas I work through with my clients around breakups but I wanted to give my readers a guide that gives a very high level look into some of the best breakup advice I have.
Everything is happening for me not to me.
Even though it might not seem like it right now, it’s all happening for a reason. The divine plan is so much bigger than you realize, you’re experiencing this because you were meant to. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be where you are right now. Just knowing that, can give you comfort that there is a higher power (the universe, god, your inner alien, whatever that is for you) that has a grander plan for you.
No one can make you feel a certain way.
You are in charge of the way you feel, your emotions. No one can cause you to feel sad, angry, betrayed because our feelings are generated by our thoughts (our interpretation) of our circumstances/situations. Meaning, if someone said, “I love you” you don’t feel love because they said that, you feel love because of your interpretation of those words from that person. If those words came from a different person you may not feel love. Same thing goes for people’s actions or inactions. If your ex said, “I don’t want to be with you anymore, I’m in love with someone else” you aren’t feeling sad, angry, or betrayed because of him saying that. You’re feeling angry because of what you make that mean. Maybe you make it mean, “I’m not good enough” “He’s choosing her over me”? Those thoughts are what is generating your feelings. This is a good thing, because you get to decide how you want to feel.
Processing pain is a process.
Typically the first thing I coach my new clients on is how to process pain. Breakups can be painful and learning how to manage that pain is so important. Pain can be around and you can feel pain but still get life done. You don’t have to let it completely absorb you. That being said, it takes longer for some than others. It’s not just something that goes away, it will come back in waves, hence, it’s a process. There are layers to it and most people find it intimidating but once you learn that you control your emotions it becomes more of a game and you can get curious about it rather than being afraid of it.
Life is still beautiful.
Just because this chapter of your life is closed, doesn’t mean that your future won’t be everything you’ve ever hoped it would be. Sometimes we think we have it all and the universe knows we don’t so everything breaks to bring form to more than we thought possible. And that’s ok, it’s more than ok, it’s beautiful!
You are always, and will always be 100% lovable.
When someone breaks up with us, we make it means SO many things. ESPECIALLY when they leave and begin to date someone else immediately after or sometimes even during the time they were dating us. We make it mean things like, I’m not good enough. I’m not worthy. He never loved me. We make it mean all these hurtful things when in reality none of that is true. EVEN if he said those were things, it’s not true. What is true. You’re 100% lovable. You were born lovable. Love is a feeling, and if someone says they can’t love you or that they love someone else more, it has NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with their capacity to love. Love is a feeling, we generate our own feelings. So if someone doesn’t love you, it’s because they can’t generate thoughts of love. It has nothing to do with you.
I promise you, you’re going to get through this. You’re not only going to survive but you’re going to thrive.
Want to work through all of this together? Sign up for a free breakthrough session where we can get specific to your breakup experience. No strings attached, just 45 minutes, you and me, make strides towards breaking through your breakup baby girl.
Sending so much love,
Dorothy
