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Why You Shouldn’t Blame Yourself or Your Ex for Your Breakup

This is such an easy thing to do.

Trust me, I’ve been there, I’ve done that, multiple times.

My last breakup I for sure blamed the f*ck out of my ex. I hated on him so hard and made it all about how and what he did or didn’t do. I 100% blamed our breakup on him. He was the one who broke up with me.

My brain took to this idea and continually showed me how he f*cked up and I didn’t do anything wrong.

Although, it got me through the first couple weeks it started to get old, really quick. It was leading to me constantly talking about it. It was my back story like people needed to know about it or else they didn’t know “who I was”.

It was weird, and the worst thing was that it was driving anger, fear, resentment, betrayal, and all the negative emotions. Every time I’d replay all the reasons my brain wanted to provide evidence for how I was right, it would just bring up all of those emotions.

The problem is that even if you feel justified in your thinking, it’s only hurting you. AND you’ve given all your power away.

If you decide to blame your ex for the breakup, it means that you believe if he would have acted differently, done something different or not done something, you would feel better or have a different result in your life.

That’s not true.

You’re making it up in your mind.

And again, you’re giving up all your power.

There is the flip side of this were maybe you’re blaming yourself. This is just as bad because you’re again giving away your power. You’re beating yourself up and that doesn’t serve you, it doesn’t help you, it just compounds negative emotions on top of the pain you’re trying process.

You’re giving all of your power away in both sides of the situation.

Instead, take a moment and take your power back.

Ask yourself:

  • In what ways was this breakup not his fault?

  • If you were in his shoes, can you see why he did what he did?

  • If you were in his shoes, would you do the same thing?

  • In what ways did he do everything right in that situation?

  • In what ways did this relationship not make sense for us to remain together?

  • How might this breakup be my fault?

  • How can I have compassion for him and myself in this situation?

  • Was this the right relationship for both of us?

  • Is it ok if we aren’t together anymore?

  • How might this be happening FOR us not TO us?

  • How did this happen perfectly?

  • How might this be a situation where there is no one to blame?

  • Could we just have completed our relationship together?

  • What were you able to learn from going through this all?

  • Why did the universe put you through this situation? What are you supposed to take from it?

We are all just humans on this earth. We are trying so hard to do the best that we can. We have these amazing organs called the brain which have a subconscious that picks up and clings to beliefs and patterns. Some of those beliefs are limiting and do not serve us yet we hold onto them.

You want to know why?

It’s hard to let go of those beliefs and values we have had our whole life. They are ingrained in us as if it’s valuable, as if it’s our truth. When we think we know what is right and wrong, we limit ourselves so much. These beliefs are only thoughts that we have thought so frequently and for so long that they become beliefs.

Each human has these, including your ex, including yourself.

The only person you can control is you. Take a moment today to take your power back. Remember that love is always an option, it’s always the best option. Don’t be driven from fear.

Take your power back and love with the best of them.

Let go of the blame, betrayal, anger, and resentment. Just love. Love for your sake, not theirs. It doesn’t “let them off the hook” or make what they did “right or wrong”. You just get to feel love when you love unconditionally.

And that my dear one, is taking your power back.

That is why you don’t want to blame your breakup on him or yourself. Just take responsibility for it, all of it. Not in a way that is like, “oh it’s all my fault” but in a way that is like, “this is all happening for me not to me” “I learned a shit ton from this experience” “that happened perfectly for me”.  Make it your own. That’s when you can control it. That’s when you learn to take responsibility for your feelings and your results,

that’s when you change your life.

Struggling to take control? Sign up for a free mini session where we walk through these questions together to find compassion for yourself and your ex.

Sending so much love!


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Hi, I'm Dorothy

I want to help women just like me learn how to get over their ex, forgive and let go so that they can stop obsessing over him and start obsessing over the amazing life they are creating.