Learning to Be Alone After a Breakup

Learning to be alone after a breakup can be difficult. The majority of my most difficult breakup I stayed SO busy so that I didn’t even have to deal with loneliness. I would wake up at 4:30am, head to the gym, then work, then after work activities, and I’d get home with enough time to unpack, pack lunch for the next day, have dinner, shower, and back to bed. I was with people the majority of the day and if I wasn’t, I was sleeping. And for the weekends? I legit traveled every. Single. Weekend. So that I was never alone. I had stuff planned at all times. I was avoiding negative emotion.

That’s what we do with negative emotion, we resist it or try to avoid it. What if we just processed it? What if we just sat there with the loneliness and recognized that it isn’t that bad? It’s just a feeling. It’s just a vibration in our body.

When you’re in it, it doesn’t feel like that. When you’re in it, you’re so up in your brain. You’re so wrapped up in what can I do to get rid of this feeling? Searching desperately outside of yourself, what can I do? Where should I go? Who should I talk to? What should I buy? What should I eat? Something has to make this feel better.

The next time this comes up, take a moment. Pause.

1. Take a DEEP BREATHE. Recognize you’re feeling loneliness. What does that emotion feel like in your body? Is it in your throat? Your stomach? What color is it? Is it hot or cold?

2. Ask yourself, are you trying to react, resist it or avoid it? What are you trying to do to fix it? Just write it down.

3. Write down all the thoughts are beginning to appear in your mind.

4. Ask yourself:

   1. How can I use this?

   2. How is this perfect?

   3. What can I do that comes from peace, is for me, and is not trying to change or fix anything?

   4. How can I accept this with grace?

5. Try on and question new thoughts such as:

   1. This is happening for me, not against me.

   2. It was always going to happen this way for my highest good.

   3. Nothing has gone wrong here.

   4. I have much to learn by staying open to this.

   5. Other people can be who they are.

At the end of the day, remember that being lonely is ok. Our life is 50% positive and 50% negative, and because of this we are able to experience all kinds of amazing “positive” emotions such as connection, love, beauty, empowered, happy.

I promise down the road, not too far from now, you’ll actually learn to love your “alone time”.

Want to work on processing your emotions? Download the free processing your pain worksheet!

With love and positive vibes,

Dorothy