So, you and your boyfriend broke up. A couple weeks later, you’re still working through all the mental chaos going on in your brain, still constantly thinking about him and what could have been, then all of a sudden while secretly still stalking him on social media you see,
He has a new girlfriend.
Your throat drops into your stomach, your face gets hot, you very literally feel like you might vomit and cry all at the same time.
A flood emotions washes over your face from unbelievably angry,
“how could he do that?”
“how could he move on so quickly from what we had?”
to unbelievable sad,
“I’m not good enough”
“He never loved me”
Been there girl, done it. Gut wrenching.
First things first, take a deep breathe. Everything is going to be ok, I know it doesn’t feel like it, but it will be.
Secondly, identify what you’re making this all mean.
Ask yourself, what am I making it mean that my ex moved one in x amount of time?
Make a list. Here’s what mine looked like.
He never loved me. How could you love someone and do something like that?
I’m not good enough.
I’m not the type of girl he wanted.
He moved on because he misses me.
He’s trying to replace me.
I’m too difficult to love.
All of these things generated different emotions for me like:
He never loved me. How could you love someone and do something like that? → Betrayed
I’m not good enough. → Unworthy
I’m not the type of girl he wanted. → Sad
He moved on because he missed me. → Compassion
He’s trying to replace me. → Sad
I’m too difficult to love. → Alone
So what are you making it mean? What thoughts are you thinking about the circumstance? Then identify how those thoughts make you feel. What are those thoughts generating for you?
Then take a moment to work through those thoughts that are resulting in a feeling that isn’t serving you and identify how they are not true.
Don’t let yourself say “I don’t know” because there is someone out there in the world that would 100% disagree with what you’re thinking so at the very least ask yourself, what if I did know? What if I was thinking like someone else who thought the opposite?
So for me this looked like:
He never loved me. How could you love someone and do something like that? → Throughout the 7 years we were together he showed me how he loved me, he said it all the time, he meant the things he said even if it wasn’t all of the time, just because he is with someone else doesn’t mean he never loved me, I moved on before and loved multiple people at once, I right now love multiple people at once, it doesn’t take away from my love of each person
I’m not good enough. → I am good enough because I’m good enough for my friends, my family, my past relationships, my future relationships. Since my relationship has been over I’ve met more people who think I’m good enough and no one has ever literally told me that I’m not good enough. I decide if I’m good enough, and I decide today I’m good enough.
I’m not the type of girl he wanted. → How do I know the type of girl he wants? I’ve never asked him. And the type of guy I want changes so why couldn’t his “type” change over time? And why would I want to fit into a mold of sorts?
He’s trying to replace me. → I very literally cannot be replaced, there is no one in the world that is my exact replica, so he physically can never replace me.
I’m too difficult to love. → So many people love me, so clearly I’m not difficult to love. Love is a feeling and I know that I generate love for myself and if he truly can’t love me then that has everything to do with him and his capacity to love, not me.
Understanding the thoughts that are creating the emotions for you when your ex moves on quickly is so important.
Doing this is going to help you sort out what thoughts are generating an emotion that will “serve” you in your life. Meaning is that emotion creating actions that yield a positive result? Or is that thought creating a negative emotion that is creating actions of “inaction, worry, mind wandering, obsessing over the ex, constantly thinking about him and the relationship” which may be yielding negative results in your life?
Use this experience as way to empower yourself.
Learn what thoughts create compassion, empowerment, motivation, determination, inspiration and begin to believe those thoughts over the ones you’ve worked to disprove. Once you start to truly believe those new thoughts that are generating those emotions for you, your brain will go to work in proving those thoughts correct.
You will begin to see the world around you change, you will create your dreams into reality.
At the end of the day, what your ex did or did not do, has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.
All of this is happening for you, not to you.
If you don’t believe in anything else, believe in that.
NEW BETA PROGRAM: Move on as quickly as your ex did.
Are you obsessing about your ex and can’t believe he’s already moved on with someone else?! Do you replay your break-up and what went wrong over and over again that you can’t focus on the job? Are you starting to miss key deadlines at work or find yourself making rookie mistakes that you can’t believe you’re making?
Beta Program:
Stop obsessing over your ex and what could have been
Put yourself #1 again, instead of making him the priority
Slay it at your job and get back on that promotion track
Reignite your purpose and make the future so good you won’t have time to look back
This program is being offered to 10 individuals at a significant beta testing program price. If you want to be considered please sign up for a free breakthrough session where we take a moment to see if we are a good fit and cover one topic of your interest. Offer expires Sunday, February 3rd.
Don’t want to commit to a free phone call just yet, check out the free breakup first aid kit, a 7 day email series that is your comprehensive guide to getting through a breakup.
Sending so much love girl! You’ve got this.
Dorothy
