I’m going to start off by saying, as I was becoming a breakup coach I didn’t know that’s what I was becoming. Just as I’m living out my life today doing what feels right to me and that is forming me to be something in the future that I may not even know is a thing.
Almost three years ago now, my boyfriend of 6 ½ years broke up with me over a phone call while I was at a work thing in Chicago for a week. I extended my stay in Chicago for a month so that I could go get my things from our home on a weekend I knew he wouldn’t be around. When I went back to my house, all of my things were already piled in the entryway. My heart sunk, my neighbor came over and told me there was another girl at our home every night since I left.
Do you know that feeling? Even as I type it out three years later, my stomach moves up my throat, my face feels warm, and my eyes fill with hot tears.
As I moved through this breakup I immediately started in victim mode, I made it about him, what he did or didn’t do right. How could he just end a relationship we worked so hard for. How could he replace me like that. How could he this and how could he that. I went after everything I wanted in my life like a fucking bullet, out of pure anger, hatred and frustration. The fire inside of me was full force. It resulted in many travels, new experiences, and the body of my dreams.
However, still with all that outward success, I had this light hum that always was with me. No matter what I did, no matter what action I took, what book I read, what podcast I listened too, it was there. That’s when I knew, I had work to do. Nothing outward of myself was going to water that flame out, I was going to have to do the work inside to mend that burnt heart of mine.
I started with forgiveness. Most people think forgiveness is meant for the other person, but it’s actually for you. I not only forgave myself and my ex for what happened but I explored the possibilities of how what happened and what “he did” was actually in the best interest of me. I literally thank my ex every damn day that I think of him for pushing me further than I ever thought possible and doing what I couldn’t bear to do.
Because in all honesty, as I started to explore these possibilities it became so clear to me how we were both just humans, doing the best we could. It wasn’t his fault, it wasn’t mine. We were growing up, exploring ourselves, in a variety of ways. There were no “rights or wrongs”, just us. I wasn’t perfect in our relationship by any means, and neither was he, but who is? Who has a perfect relationship? Who lives out a relationship and makes ZERO mistakes? No one.
My ex broke up with me, so that I could find, learn, unconditional love not only for myself but for all relationships in my life.
So that I could learn to forgive myself and others.
So that I could explore, play, create art, and build new relationships.
So that I could learn how to feel gratitude for a painful experience.
So that I could experience, grow, develop, and share with others.
As all of this unfolded, I had read countless self help books, primarily “You Are A Badass” by Jen Sincero (literally was on repeat on my audible for so long). Started listening to The Life Coach School podcast by Brooke Castillo, hired numerous coaches, went and worked for a coach, got my life coach certification and practiced coaching through courses and 1:1 sessions. All of which has led me to this point.
I am a Breakup Coach. I help women move past painful heartbreak to create the most inspiring story of their life that will fuel their future.
And you know what? I’m so fucking grateful for my ex.
This is all happening FOR you, not TO you.
Wanna work together to move on from your ex? I just released a new beta program with special discounted pricing, would love for you to join! Sign up for a free mini session to see if you’re a good fit for the program.
With love and positive vibes,
Dorothy
