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How Lovable Are You?

Short Answer: This is a trick question.

You are 100% absolutely lovable.

Long Answer: Attraction is a choice.

Attraction is created in your brain, from your thoughts.

You could be attracted to someone but then hear that, that person  murdered someone, or he/she was a rapist or stole from your friend. Would you still be attracted to that person?

This also goes in the opposite direction.

You might not be attracted to someone and then you hear that he/she saved children in Africa, has 10 puppies at home, or loves your favorite movie. Then your attraction might increase.

The only thing happening is that your thoughts are changing.

Now, if we believe that our thoughts create our feelings and that attraction is a choice, can you see how this plays into “lovability”?

You were born lovable. Nothing you do in this world can make you more or less lovable. Your being loved is not about you. It’s about the person loving you. Your lovability has to do with the other person’s capacity to love you, not the other way around.

In relationships, there is no “truth”, it’s all about each person’s “thoughts” about the other. So if you are tremendously loved by someone, it has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with the other person’s thoughts about you. Same goes for if someone doesn’t love you, it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the other person’s thoughts about you.

You were born 100% lovable, and there is nothing you can do in this world to decrease or increase your lovability. You just are lovable and there’s nothing you can do about that.

Now, let’s take this to an extreme, because everyone loves that. If what you’re saying is that we are born whole, and 100% lovable and there is nothing you can do in the world to decrease or increase lovability, what about people who do bad things? Aren’t they less lovable because they did those bad things?


They are still 100% lovable, and what changed was not their lovability, but our thoughts about them. It has everything to do with our capacity to love and nothing to do with them.

I could sit here and give you a flashback of this person who did something “bad” and show you their history. Maybe they were a small child with an abusive family, who grew up in an unfortunate situation. They grew up thinking they were unlovable so they were always seeking love in other ways.

Once you hear that story do you have different thoughts about them, that is creating a different feeling for them? Maybe compassion?

See, it’s only thoughts, sentences in our brains that cause us to think we can or cannot love someone.

We think that if someone doesn’t love us, that means we are unlovable, but I promise you, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their capacity to love.

The truth is, we can always choose love and love is always the best option.

Stay tuned next week for “Does Unconditional Love Really Exist?”.

With love and positive vibes,


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Hi, I'm Dorothy

I want to help women just like me learn how to get over their ex, forgive and let go so that they can stop obsessing over him and start obsessing over the amazing life they are creating.